#7 sharing

As a single mother of three kids, with no ex-partner in close range, I have a tremendous feeling of great responsibility. It is not that i actually have more responsibility but it comes with the simple knowledge of there being no spare parent left 'in case of emergency'. That, in combination with the knowledge and experience that life is vulnerable and everything 'will not always be alright in the end', can turn up pressure levels pretty high.

Another downside of being alone in the process of parenting, is that whenever one of my children is faced with a challenge or difficult moment in life (which in my case is about…. every other month or soJ. Thank god they usually take turns), I have no co-parent to turn to with my emotions. Even when divorced, at least there is a co-parent most of the time. The knowledge of knowing that the other parent is going through the same hell as you are can be a comforting feeling, although you might not directly share your emotions with the other parent. With no co-parent around there is no one else on the planet that can truly understand or feel what you're going through.

As a matter of fact, this also counts for the happy moments you experience as a parent. The proud moment when your daughter performs well in school, when your teenage son produces his first own song or when you realize your kids are actually… quite nice…at some times…or spoilt bastards at other times for that matter. This makes being a single parent a pretty lonely business. Some times are better than others.

To the up-side of all this (yes! there is an up-side!) being alone, and having to deal with your emotions alone, forces you to be open to others...and to sharing all the ups and downs of your family with friends, family, neighbours and colleagues. This takes some courage in the beginning, but after a while it becomes a necessity to survive. To open up and show a more vulnerable side, I learnt, is not a sign of weakness or of seeking attention (of which I was afraid at first). It's a sign of courage. And ultimately it is a bare necessity to be able to live a fulfilling life. And, it also takes courage at the receiving party to allow this sharing process. It is something for which I am most grateful.

Love, L