#7 sharing

As a single mother of three kids, with no ex-partner in close range, I have a tremendous feeling of great responsibility. It is not that i actually have more responsibility but it comes with the simple knowledge of there being no spare parent left 'in case of emergency'. That, in combination with the knowledge and experience that life is vulnerable and everything 'will not always be alright in the end', can turn up pressure levels pretty high.

Another downside of being alone in the process of parenting, is that whenever one of my children is faced with a challenge or difficult moment in life (which in my case is about…. every other month or soJ. Thank god they usually take turns), I have no co-parent to turn to with my emotions. Even when divorced, at least there is a co-parent most of the time. The knowledge of knowing that the other parent is going through the same hell as you are can be a comforting feeling, although you might not directly share your emotions with the other parent. With no co-parent around there is no one else on the planet that can truly understand or feel what you're going through.

As a matter of fact, this also counts for the happy moments you experience as a parent. The proud moment when your daughter performs well in school, when your teenage son produces his first own song or when you realize your kids are actually… quite nice…at some times…or spoilt bastards at other times for that matter. This makes being a single parent a pretty lonely business. Some times are better than others.

To the up-side of all this (yes! there is an up-side!) being alone, and having to deal with your emotions alone, forces you to be open to others...and to sharing all the ups and downs of your family with friends, family, neighbours and colleagues. This takes some courage in the beginning, but after a while it becomes a necessity to survive. To open up and show a more vulnerable side, I learnt, is not a sign of weakness or of seeking attention (of which I was afraid at first). It's a sign of courage. And ultimately it is a bare necessity to be able to live a fulfilling life. And, it also takes courage at the receiving party to allow this sharing process. It is something for which I am most grateful.

Love, L

#6 getting personal

It's been a while since my last post. The truth is i got confused....and insecure. To start with the first; my blog was actually intended as a wall of inspiration for others. Things to do , interesting and new places to go, etc, etc. But by the time I actually would get around to posting something, I found that literally a few thousand blogs had already been there done that! Jeeeeez....my ambition in spotting new cool places just flew right out the door. Not to mention my reputation!

To me it seems like everybody has already done EVERYTHING! It always scares me a little to do my thing.....(and here's where the insecurity thing part comes in), because why would anyone ever listen to me or care about what i have to say... Boohoo... the little girl in me that feels she can never do right is ever existing. Damn...thought i got rid of her a long time ago! So, after thinking about it carefully, weighing all the pro's and con's, sleeping over it for like a month or two, I finally came to the conclusion that my new aim for this blog is to get up close and personal. The great advantage to that is that for me my blog would become more of a journal....and hey, if somebody, anybody (!), can find some inspiration or can identify themselves with whatever i am blogging about, that's just fine. In the end i think what matters to everything that anyone is doing, is to add that bit of personality that makes it unique and worthwhile!

So what to expect: since i am a mother of 3 teens, a lot of that stuff, some big issues in my life...love, kids, motherhood, single parenting, staying mentally sane....you know, the usual:).

#5 for vintage lovers - Edward Steichen expo in FOAM, Amsterdam

An absolute must see if you are in Amsterdam this Summer and a fashion, vintage, photography lover; the new exhibition in FOAM - unique vintage photo's of Edward Steichen made during his period working for Vogue and Vanity Fair from 1923 to 1937. The pictures have been brought together especially for this exhibition and are shown for the first time in Holland. 

A sense of nostalgia to more glamorous times will definitely overcome the visitor in this unique and beautiful exhibition. 

28 June to 6 September 2013 in Foam 

Edward Steichen - In High Fashion, the Condé Nast Years, 1923 - 1937

Foam

Vijzelgracht 78

Amsterdam

http://www.foam.org/

#4 Thank God It's Monday!

I love the weekends, don't get me wrong. However, nowadays, i love mondays even more. For most people this seems to be the most horrible day of the week, because work stress and addapting to daily routine comes knocking at their doors again. I can clearly see images of fuzzy, tired heads behind their computers and with large cups of coffea, trying to drink away the Monday blues...

Apart from the fact that my weekends are far from relaxing because i have three kids with sports activities that need catering to the whole weekend (and that romantic lazy sundays in pajama's are rare in my household), the Monday to me is the day with promises of new beginnings. Like getting a chance every week to starting with a new clean slate. New chances, new plans and dreams. The opportunity to 'brush yourself off and try again', to discard of things that happenend in the past week and to welcome the new. Whatever that may be...

Okay okay on a realistic note; i will also admit that after i'm worn out from the weekend (picture this: three kids hitting puberty in a small household and thus taking all the space there is, me partying on Saturday night (i.e. having a hangover the next day), doing groceries for the entire week and running around like crazy with the kids to hockey and soccer matches) i crave for the quiet, peaceful Monday morning by myself with that same large cup of coffea drinking away the weekend blues...:-)

#3 Coffee and Fashion in Amsterdam

I love to shop! I'm like every other woman. A closet full of clothes and nothing to wear. Buying and consuming has never been as easy as it is today. We are able to purchase on the internet just about anything our hearts desire..clothing, electronics, food, books.. It's all out there, just one mouse click away. The downside is that fysical stores are having a hard time surviving. Especially in the crisis we are dealing with now. Well established brands, megastores and discounters will eventually define our street view. What a shame!

However thanks to a new trend there are new creative entrepreneurs that are redefining shopping. By cross selling and combining several product groups and presenting it as a concept of a certain lifestyle, they are making 'consuming' a new conscious experience. The collection does not represent what the mass wants, it represents quality, beauty, sustainability and consciousness. Hand picked items by local designers, limited edition coffea table books, hand made jewelry and bags.... and organic sandwiches and cakes. Slow retail.I love it!

These concept stores are popular with people like me that are visually orientated and sensitive to the lifestyle that they represent. I love to stroll around these stores,  feel the fabric of a clothing piece, know the story behind a certain design, seeing new things, and while i'm at it, drink a cup of good coffea, made with love.

In the old part of Amsterdam, on a canal, near the red light district and across from the Hash Museum is a little gem (and hotspot i'm sure!), KOKO Coffee & Design, run by two ladies, Caroline and Karlijn, with different backgrounds. They combined their passion for good Coffea, Fashion and Styling and started this inspiring shop about 8 months ago. They offer a platform for young designers and local fashion labels as Sanne Jansen and Femke Agema. But also unique (vintage) items and new upcoming foreign labels, like the Finnish label Samuji, exclusively available at KOKO.

Wander around, enjoy the atmosphere, get that unique item and have a cup of lightly roasted organic coffea. I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as I do!

KOKO Coffee & Design

Oudezijds Achterburgwal 145

1012 DG Amsterdam

http://ilovekoko.com/

#2 dancing

Is it a coincidence that while 3 of my children are hitting puberty (or are in it already) their mother is showing syptoms of being in midlife?

I have had to admit to myself that the evidence seems now indisputable since yesterday i took my first dancehall lesson! And, to top it off, it is, i'm almost ashamed to say, at the dance center where my ten year old has hiphop lessons:-).

Ok, so let me first explain a little about dancehall. It is a music genre that has it's origin in Jamiaca and with reggae music. People of my age will probably remember dancing to Shabba Ranks and Chaka Demus and Pliers in the nineties. However the music has evolved. Where dancehall culture first was an expression of challenging social inequality, now the lyrics often consists of talk about women, guns, drugs and the hardships of Kingston. So now you can probably imagine the dance that goes with this. If you can't, click here! It´s all about attitude.

I can hear you thinking; Dancehall??!! why not modern or jazz ballet which would be more appropriate for a 38 year old, sensible (?), yoga-practicing, vintage/fashion-loving woman. This is, i think, where the midlife question comes to mind. But actually, really trying to get grasp of what has gotten in to me, i can honestly say that it is just another expression of 'me'. Another 'part' of me. Maybe a little unusual, a part of me that i don't show very often, except in the safe premises of my home, but nonetheless it is who i am and what i love to do.

I love to dance. Very often, after dinner, and sort of in the midst of cleaning the table and putting everything in the dishwasher, my kids and i close the curtains (or not), and dance like crazy to just about any music genre there is. From hardcore hiphop beats, to mellow trap music (look it up!), from Michael Jackson disco to electronic house! This is something i have done since the kids were young and i really miss it if weeks happen to go by without this ritual.

As a matter of fact it is something i did as a kid with my brother and parents. It was as natural as reading a book... Come to think of it, it was more natural than reading a book:-). 

Whenever my brother comes over to visit, we still dance all together. It is just another way of expressing how we feel about each other. Being able to shamelessly let go of all fears, of all our inhibitions and doing the thing we love to do, with the ones we love. 

print by Sally Beerworth http://www.joyofex.org/product/tea-towel

#1 Why?

Okay so I am wondering why on earth anyone should be waiting for yet another blog. Of the millions of blogs out there what possibly can i add? To be quite honest i think everything has been said... I mean really?! A blog about single motherhood and keeping the so called 'balance'...? Done millions already! A blog about favourite places to travel? Heeps! A lifestyle blog? Soooo many! Ouch. Nothing left to offer for me ....So...i decided to turn it around and not make it my goal to be found, to be read or to get any attention for that matter:-). I came to the conclusion that i just like to write. In my head there's a chaos of thoughts, images, interesting people, places to go to, questionmarks, etc, etc. I just simply want to get it down on paper (or in a blog in this case) to create some structure.

So a little about me then. In short i am a single mom of 3 kids, living in a vinex district of Amsterdam and unemployed. I know, doesn't sound too good:-). Before you decide to stop right here let me tell you there is also good news; the above does not define who i am, what my dreams are, where my ambitions lie and neither does this make me good or bad or even pathetic. And these circumstances have never made me a victim, because i believe that i have consciously chosen this path with every decision that i have made in my life.

And there is more good news. I try to make it an issue to live consciously and enjoy every single moment I have on this planet. My interests are wide which can sometimes be confusing because i can loose focus. But there is so much more to do, to see, to explore, to dream about... The things is, when do you stop with the dreaming part and translate it into action?

Well I guess, by starting this blog, and actually have the guts to publish it too, i took the first step! Yihaaa!

What to expect from this blog; interesting and beautiful places to visit, art, short stories, visuals, food for body and mind...and more.


photo: Paris 2010 - Hotel Les Grandes Ecoles